I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
