If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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