Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
