I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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