Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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