what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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