Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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