Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
