need another drink. this is the easiest way
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
