Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
