I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
