I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
