dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
