Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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