i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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