Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
