i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My cat gives me a boner
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
