remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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