I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We are all done wearing pants today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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