I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
