After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it because I queefed?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
