I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
