Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
