best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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