We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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