Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
