I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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