Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
