I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
