I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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