I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
