Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just had sex bonerless
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?