never play flip cup with pint glasses
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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