I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
