so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This couple is walking their pig around campus
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
