I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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