I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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