shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
