how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
