No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize