As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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