you guys were way drunker than both of me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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