You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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