I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
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I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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