we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
