dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Someone stole a lamp last night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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