Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
