Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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