Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
