He told me they were just razor bumps!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
