I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
