This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
