i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
