he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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