the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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