I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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