I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
