Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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