You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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