If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
