you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
