I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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