he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
