I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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