guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
